Dancing with the Moon, Birthing with the Sun

Maya's Journey

2012-01-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful to Maya for contributing her incredible birth story to the blog. Her pregnancy, birth, and new mother journey has been so powerful and I feel blessed to have been a part of it! I remain in awe each and every time that I see new mothers and families bloom before my eyes. It really is transformative, and one of the most instinctual moments we can have.

Mazu’s Birth- The Story

At 2:00 am on October 27th the sensation of a warm trickle of water on my body woke me up from sleep as I lay in my bed at home. Fourteen hours later, in that same bed, I watched with amazement my little daughter Mazu as she slowly crawled up my chest and latched on to my nipple for the very first time. I had just given birth in the sweet comfort of my own home, in the presence of my husband Rouzbeh and two amazing midwives, Maura and Judy. I was in a state of complete ecstasy.

The fourteen hours that led to Mazu’s birth are one of the most cherished moments of my life. Never in my life had I experienced sensations as strong and a joy as intense as that of labor.

When my water broke I woke Rouzbeh up. With a nervous excitement and a sense of bafflement that both of us now laugh about, he quickly jumped out of bed and exclaimed “What should we do?!” I turned on the bedside lamp and we both looked at each other for a moment. I remembered Maura’s words about labor often starting at night. When the mind is finally free of the daily bustle, the body can begin to express itself in the more quiet nocturnal moment. Maura had emphasized the need to rest, relax and conserve as much energy as possible in this early phase. So we both knew the answer to the question; “Simply relax and go back to bed”. And that is exactly what we did. There were no contractions yet, so we turned off the light and both went back to bed.

Soon after however, as I lay in bed with my eyes closed I began to feel cramping sensations similar to menstrual cramps. They came somewhat randomly every 10, 15 to 20 minutes and kept me awake through the night. But I stayed in bed and tried to rest. Rest and relax, that was my motto until 8:00 am when I finally got up and decided to send Maura a text: “Hi Maura, Guess what? My water broke at 2am last night. I stayed in bed with eyes shut and had some mild cramping throughout …didn’t really sleep but just rested. Things are still very mellow.” Maura responded “Yeah!!”

My mother Pouneh had arrived from Iran about a week earlier and was staying with us. She was preparing breakfast and we casually told her that my water had broke the night before. Since Rouzbeh and I had decided to be alone for the actual birth, Pouneh had planned to go spend some time with a friend in San Francisco and come back after the birth. But before taking off she prepared a wonderful chicken soup and packed the freezer with raspberry leaf tea ice cubes so that I could nourish myself during labor.

While Pouneh was cooking, my contractions were starting to pick up. I ate something, walked around the house, lay on the bed, and took a very long warm shower. The shower felt really good. I labored there for quite a while. When contractions came, I just stood under the water with knees slightly bent, relaxed my hips and twirled them around like a hoola hoop dancer. I also hummed as I did my labor dance.

The morning went by very quickly. When Pouneh left the house around noon, my contractions were stronger but still not very close. In the morning, Rouzbeh went out to buy some film for our video camera. He also got me a giant fruit smoothie which I sipped on hoping that my body would not purge it like the breakfast I had had earlier in the day. Needless to say, the smoothie was also out soon after I took a few sips. My body’s energy was clearly on an outward flow.

Once Rouzbeh and I were back together and alone, contractions intensified. The sensations grew stronger and I naturally began to make deep moaning sounds. The sound vibrations helped me ride the waves of strong energy pulsing through my body. The waves cleared every thought out of my mind. I remember reading somewhere that going through labor was equal to seven years of meditation. Each wave was a pure physical reality. During contractions there was no space for any thought. I could only be present in the moment and in my body.

In the months leading up to the birth I spent a lot of time visualizing labor. I saw my body as a vessel for the cosmic forces of nature. Contractions were not pain but giant waves of energy that would flow through my body bringing life into this world. This was a strong and powerful life giving force, this was the force that makes seeds grow, creates the ocean waves and moves the planets in the sky and I wanted to feel it with every cell in my body. Once in labor I could not think about nor visualize anything. I could not think about nature or energy or anything else; I simply was all of those things.

During labor, I moved through the house going from living room to bedroom, to bathroom changing positions as many times as I needed. I leaned on Rouzbeh, got down on all fours, leaned on the bed, buried my head in a pillow and just kept moving and trying new positions. Between contractions, I closed my eyes and rested.

When Maura arrived, I was very happy to see her. She simply let Rouzbeh and I continue with our rhythm and began setting up the water tub.

When my contractions got very strong I remember thinking that I could not continue for much longer. I remember turning to Maura and saying “I don’t know what to do when it’s very strong.” She responded by reassuring me that I was doing well, that I should take each contraction at a time, and just moan and breathe as I was doing.

I was laboring in a seated position on the toilet when at the end of a contraction I felt a squeezing sensation so tight that I could not breathe for a moment. I wondered if this was the beginning of an urge to bear down as in my childbirth class Trina the educator had talked about women involuntarily holding their breath for a moment at the onset of second stage. I asked Maura if I was ready to push. She responded by turning the question back to me and saying “You tell me. What are you feeling?” The feeling was still mostly in my lower abdomen and not yet in my butt, so Maura asked if I wanted her to check my cervix.

While part of me was anxious to know how much I had progressed—we had not yet done any internal exams—I was also afraid of getting discouraged and losing morale if I had not yet dilated much. So we waited through a few more contractions and the urge to push got stronger. At this point Maura checked me and I was very glad to find out that I was 9cm dilated. Maura suggested getting down on all fours and trying not to push until I was fully dilated. But a few contractions later the urge to bear down was in full force and Maura suggested getting in the tub.

The warm water of the tub was very soothing. I leaned against the wall with Rouzbeh at my side. Pushing was intense but it felt great. Judy arrived soon after I got in the tub and helped cool my face with a wet towel. The cool smoothie that my body had previously rejected now also felt very good. I felt like a pampered princess as Judy gently stroked my forehead and I floated in the water, relaxing and sipping on my smoothie between contractions.

The energy in my body was at its peak and an incredible sense of joy began to fill my body as I realized how blessed I was to be cared for with so much love, and to be only moments away from meeting my baby. I was happy to be at home, happy that my labor had progressed swiftly, happy to be loved and cared for and happy to be meeting my baby soon. The joy was so intense that as I pushed, I began to cry out “I’m so happy! I’m so happy! I’m so happy!”

Moments later, at 4:00 pm in the afternoon, Mazu slipped out of my body swimming into this world like a little sea creature. Rouzbeh caught her and pulled her up to my chest as I burst into tears and cried like never before in my life.

I feel blessed to have experienced the birth of my dreams.

Mazu’ s Birth -The Vision and Preparation

Birth is a mystery, and you never know what’s really going to happen—but if you don’t reach for the stars and plan to have the very best, you’re unlikely to get it. It’s important to have a vision for your birth and to work toward that vision.” ~ Suzanne Arms

Birth is sacred and beautiful no matter where and how. Birth in itself can never be good or bad, it simply is. What makes the difference is the vision surrounding each birth. This is an understanding that I came to during my pregnancy as I approached my due date and began to wonder how my labor would turn out.

As I pondered on all the possible outcomes, I realized that as long as my baby and I were healthy, regardless of the location of birth and the method of delivery, the experience would be sacred and life transforming. What mattered was that I was approaching this birth with a clear vision of fearlessness, respecting and honoring the process and trusting my body’s ability to give birth. The rest was in nature’s hands.

I am grateful for nature’s gift of an ecstatic birth. I am also incredibly grateful to everyone who guided and supported me in this experience; especially Rouzbeh for being my companion and support in every step, Maura for her diligent and compassionate midwifery care, my mother and grandmother for their inspiring birth stories, and Inke and Michael for introducing me to homebirth and midwifery.

As I look back at my experience, I know that what I experienced would not have been possible without midwifery care. When I first started my care with Maura, I was feeling very frustrated with the lack of continuity and attention I was receiving from the ob practice I went to for prenatal care. In this multi-doctor practice my visits were rarely with the same person, they were brief and impersonal, and nobody seemed to genuinely care about me. I was just another “patient” like everyone else.

Midway through my pregnancy I became severely anemic due to a genetic blood disorder known as Thalassemia minor. I have always been slightly anemic because of this condition, but due to pregnancy my blood count had dropped to significantly lower levels that were very worrisome to me.

I knew very well that anemia could easily snowball into risky conditions during labor such as maternal fatigue and fetal distress, which could lead to some possibly severe medical interventions and even the need for an emergency C-section. I was very upset because all of this could be avoided with proper preventive care and nutritional advice, but the only advice I got from the ob office was a phone message on my voice mail advising me to take iron supplements. This advice was far from satisfactory as anemia is not always due to iron deficiency.

As I had just started seeing Maura we went over my lab results together. She then suggested a whole series of other blood tests to get a more thorough and accurate picture of my condition. Once the results were back she gave me a solid nutritional plan accompanied by dietary supplements. The result was that by 36 weeks of pregnancy I was back within a normal range.

My prenatal care with Maura however was not limited to physical exams and lab results. Those were taken care of far more thoroughly than any medical office, but the more than 2 hour long prenatal visits at our home were also a time for education, emotional support, building trust and just getting to know each other as individuals. The care I received was holistic, personal and tailored to my specific needs. With Maura I really felt safe and cared for. I knew that she was genuinely concerned about my well being and would be there to back me when I needed support.

Maura was also very conscious and respectful of Rouzbeh’s role and presence as my partner. At the birth she held the space and watched our safety but allowed him to be at the center of the action taking the lead in catching our daughter and cutting the cord. Rouzbeh – a filmmaker—described her role as a director who carefully sets up a scene and then steps back to allow the action to unfold in the most natural and spontaneous manner. His journey into fatherhood was with a great sense of fulfillment and respect.

Mazu is now five weeks old, three pounds chubbier on breast milk, and thriving as a calm and happy baby. Maura is still coming for visits and providing postpartum care. As to the ob office, well I simply stopped going there at 34 weeks, and clearly, no-one cared as I have yet to receive a phone call about where I’ve been and what has happened to me… Thank goodness I had a midwife!

National Beauties

2011-11-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

National Geographic is having an amateur photo contest. The photos are really incredible, but of course I'm prejudiced towards the incredible birth images. Its so lovely to see the beauty of our everyday miracles captured.
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/photo-contest/

Best. Statue. Ever.

2011-10-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

Look at this incredible statue in Bologna Italy. I must see this, it is officially on the bucket list!

Bloom and Grow

2011-10-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to hang out at a henna party for an amazing mama who is expecting her second baby! She had an amazing homebirth the first time around, and I'm feeling incredible gratitude to be present when her next joins us!

YEAH for HBAC! (Homebirth after Cesearean)

2010-09-25T18:37:00.000-07:00

This is parts of the notes I got from an amazing mom I had the blessing to be present with on her homebirth journey. VBAC moms are amazing and such inspirations:

Hi Maura,

We've finally seemed to settle into life as a family of four. Sable is growing fast (up to 11 1/2lbs). We're doing pretty good breastfeeding and she's just a very happy little girl.

I wanted to thank you so much for everything you did for us during this transition. First of all, I appreciate how involved you allowed Scarlet to be in the process. I think her transition into big sisterhood was so smooth since she was a major part of the process. She just measured my fundal height the other day and talks a lot about cutting the cord. Having Scarlet involved in the experience and preventing her from feeling pushed out was so beautiful for us and has made her an amazing big sister. She did ask when you coming back to visit. I told her that you aren't coming anymore...unless we have another baby sometime. She asked me for another baby ;)

Mike has turned from thinking his wife to a conspiracy theorist to a natural birth loving, VBAC pushing, lactivist. I am so grateful that he was able to come a father in a very gentle, peaceful way. Birthing at home has given us a special, closer connection and we both cherish the experience.

Most of all, thank you for the full support you offered me. I am a firm believer in having a provider that backs you, offers true informed consent, and is caring. You were all of that for me. Going for a VBAC, I knew I could do it, but I knew I needed a provider who knew that I could do it...and would allow me to do it. I am very doubtful I would have had a vaginal birth in the hospital, and I am so grateful that we found a provider that we clicked with...allowing us to feel safe birthing at home. Meeting you really opened that up as an option for us. My VBAC was such a healing experience for me and those around me. The other day Scarlet asked me to see my cesarean scar. She told me she liked it, because it reminded her of how she came out of me. She asked if I liked it, and for the first time, I could honestly answer yes. I do like it. For so long it was a source of pain, fear, and guilt that prevented me from even looking at it most of the time. Now, it represents the growth I have made a woman and a mother. It represents my strength, my determination, and my love for both of my daughters. It represents the journey I made into motherhood. I am thankful for the experiences I have had with both births now. Along my journey, I learned to ask the important questions and choose someone who would respect those preferences, I'm so grateful for the way you made my preferences such a priority. I had the exact birth I wanted with Sable. Our relationship has been amazing due to our birth experience, the focus on breastfeeding, and the close bonding we have been able to achieve since I am not dealing with all the emotional upset I dealt with the first time around.

I have been trying to sit down to write you, but have been unable to articulate exactly how I feel. This does not even begin to express the gratitude I have for your support.

I went to a childbirth educator training to become a childbirth educator. The experience really brought up a lot of the issues that I experienced in the hospital and made me so grateful of the ability to make my own choices during the homebirth.

Thank you once again for everything you have done for our family.

Thanks,

Christina

A little appreciation for breastfeeding...

2010-05-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

And best baby hair goes to... Alidia!

2010-01-28T17:11:00.000-08:00

This is the gorgeous Alidia born on 11/22/09. She was 8.06lb at birth, and here at her 8 week visit she weighs in at 13lbs! She definitely wins the award for best baby hair!

A Tireless Momma+A Man with Feelings= Joy!

2009-10-25T13:09:00.001-07:00

Nolan James

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 12 noon
8 lbs., 6 oz.
22 inches long

"One of the first things we both thought when he came out and was whimpering on my chest is that this little guy is going to be a man with feelings, just like his Dad. And we need more men like that in the world."

A Henna Bump & Adoring Big Sis

2009-10-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Our gorgeous hombirth client with her daughter. We noticed her belly today while doing her prenatal appointment, "Thank You Tamu!"

Baby Muhammad & A Sacred Birth Day

2009-09-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Peace & Blessings,

I was blessed to have a beautiful home/water birth with Racha & Maura on September 18, 2009.

This was a very special day for my family because it was the last Friday in our holy month, Ramadaan, and just two days before our day of celebration, Eid ul-Fitr. The last 10 days of Ramadaan are very sacred for us and Fridays are also special because they are the holy day of the week when we attend the Mosque and pray with our community. My friend Shoshanna baked Challah bread for us on that day also, on the day of my daughter's birth in 2007 she brought me fresh squeezed grapefruit juice while I was in labor, and on our son's birthday she brought us the special bread and shared that it was also the Jewish holiday, Rosh Hoshanna, which is the day of the "Birth of the World" and the bread symbolized the world. Praise our Creator, what a blessed and perfect day to give birth and to be born!

On Thursday evening a bit of my mucous plug released when I used the restroom. I texted Racha & Maura to give them a heads up...and than my Husband, Daughter, and I went on a short evening walk. I didn't necessarily expect too much, as I've learned as a Doula and Midwife Apprentice never to expect anything in birth, except the unexpected. When we returned I took a shower, relaxed, and put my daughter down to sleep. Because it was Ramadaan, and my husband was fasting during the days, he had a lot of energy at night, and we used this time to bond and do extra praying and reading of our spiritual text, the Qu'ran. That night we were up at 4am when I began feeling contractions. I joined my husband for the pre-fast meal and we waited until 5:30 to pray the dawn prayer. I was anxious to get some rest realizing that my contractions were only going to get stronger, especially because in the one-and-a-half hour I was up I had at least 5 to 7 strong contractions.

When we finally went to bed after 5:30am, I lay down, only to realize within 30minutes that I wouldn't be able to sleep because the contractions were already pretty strong. Between 6am and 8am I labored alone in our family room so I wouldn't wake my husband and toddler. By 8am I realized I should call Racha and let her know that my labor was pretty intense already. As a Doula & Midwife Apprentice I never want to call my midwives in the middle of the night, which is usually how we are called, I guess its a little courtesy, but by 8am I couldn't really wait any longer! I'm glad I called Racha because she suggested I wake up my husband and have him set up the birthtub. I really wanted to let him sleep until 10am because I knew once he woke we would be in full labor mode, good thing I listened to Racha, because by 10:12 am our baby boy was already born!

When I woke up my husband, my daughter also woke up, and when I told her the baby was coming she replied grumpily, "Don't come out baby, stay in there!," because she still wanted to sleep. Daoud went straight to work setting up the tub in the corner of our kitchen, it was really beautiful because we have some nice house plants and spiritual art in that corner of the kitchen, he also made a tent by staple-gunning some pretty sheets into the ceiling around the tent creating walls and a little room for me. I decided he was the best husband in the world and I tried to tell him, but was having a contraction and told him to "Go away, please," instead! During the hour or so it took my husband to set up my sacred birth space my contractions became very intense, lasting a minute-and-half to two minutes and coming on at least every 2-3 minutes. I labored on my hands and knees feeling a sharp opening of the last bit of dilating of my cervix and shaking with contractions, as Sumaiya, my two year old, played "horsey" on my back...

By 9:30am I managed to text Maura and Racha, "I think you should come soon", and I made my way to the tub getting in to the hot water. Daoud put on a recording of Surah Maryam, the chapter in the Qu'ran where Maryam gives birth to the Prophet Isa (Jesus). Its a beautiful Surah, my favorite in the Qu'ran, and I listen to it and read it often during my pregnancies because of the blessings it holds especially for Mothers and babies. As I relaxed in the tub, letting my body go to the support of the water as the last few contractions made powerful waves through me.

Racha and Maura arrived by 9:48am, and during the time my husband went to the front of our building to open the door and return with them, I followed my body in its urges to bear down with my contractions. When they came into our home I was already beginning to push. They came into my birth tent quietly, bringing some green water for me to sip on. I couldn't believe I was already pushing and didn't feel like I was ready since everything happened so fast! Racha had to help me get my underwear off because the baby was coming down pretty fast once the midwives got there and I felt I was just gonna go for it. With the next push Racha said she could see the head, and I asked if the baby was crowning yet because it felt very close, not yet, but we somehow communicated that she should let Daoud know that the baby would be here any minute. Daoud and Sumaiya came in, and Sumaiya really wanted to get in the tub with me when she saw that the baby was already coming out. With the next push the baby was crowning, Racha asked Daoud if he wanted to catch, and even though he did, I said that I would catch him because I felt very relaxed and focused and in a really connected rhythm with the baby. Within two contractions the baby crowned and his head was out, still in the water-bag, which we call Lotus Birth. I had to gather myself and Racha said to take my time, and blow, that I didn't have to do it all at once. I grounded myself and gathered energy for the next contraction, blowing and breathing so I could push him out on the next contraction. I could feel his body fully rotate within me and followed the contraction and his bodies movement to push him out and kinda ride the last wave.

Our little Muhammad, named after our Prophet (Peace & Blessings be upon Him), was born at 10:12am, just 6 hours after I felt the first contractions of active labor.

I've always flirted with the idea of having an "unassisted" birth, but my sensitive side always felt the need for support of women and sisters around me, Racha & Maura provided the safety and love I needed to have such a beautiful birth. I am so thankful to Racha and Maura for walking with me through my pregnancy, which at times was stressful. I am also thankful to them for holding space and supporting me to catch my baby. I am also thankful to them for all their support and skills post-partum, I hate pushing out my placentas, it makes me very grumpy, and I also had a very large blood clot 24 hours post-partum, which we dealt with very patiently over 2 hours, so that my body could let go of it very naturally. (In the hospital who knows what kinda damage and mess they would have inflicted upon me), Maura and Racha very confidently and patiently helped me ease it out of my body. I've learned a lot from them as a very little sister midwife, and I really appreciate the balance they give to each other in their friendship and partnership.
Peace Love & Blessed Birthing!

sarah husain

www.bismillahbirth.com

Our First Midwives and Families Picnic!

2009-08-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all of our gorgeous familes for joining us for our first picnic gathering. It was incredible to see how the babies have grown. We saw lots of crawling, cooing, and even some walking! We cant wait to do it again next year! Much love, your midwives

Some video...

2009-07-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

The first two parts of Cindy Crawford's Homebirth Stories:

http://www.mybestbirth.com/page/cindy-crawford-part-1
http://www.mybestbirth.com/page/cindy-crawford-part-2

And some fun You Tube Birth Videos!

The best commmercial ever

There are so many amazing homebirth videos on you tube now a days. You could spend a great evening seeing lots of babies be born if you have the time. I'm so grateful to the women and families that have posted their videos. There are providing an incredible, real insight into how birth is, and how different it can be for every woman. There was actually a New York Times article about the phenomenon of women sharing their birth videos on You Tube:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/11/fashion/11BIRTHS.html

Azza's Birth

2009-07-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am so pleased to share our wonderful birth story. Everything went very smoothly. My water broke at 5 30 pm on Wednesday April 8th and I was running around excitedly knowing that we'd be holding our baby soon. Sure enough by 4 30 am, our daughter was birthed. My contractions started to get intense and painful around 8 30 pm and I dealt with them one at a time. I could not think about the next one otherwise I would forget to breathe and hyperventilate and it was just counter productive. As long as I breathed deeply and slowly (my midwife Racha, her apprentice Brandi and my husband Salim--were breathing out loud to keep me focused) I felt I could continue. I had no choice but to surrender to the pain, reminding myself that there was purpose behind it and that my baby was on her way. Of course this was not how I dealt with every contraction. While I tried as much as possible to maintain a low tone when I was groaning (which really helped loosen my muscles), I often found myself screeching and flailing around. Racha’s constant reminder: “ground yourself” dramatically affected how I went through a contraction. I literally felt myself coming down into my body whenever she spoke those words. Just when I felt like I could not go on another minute, I started feeling this overwhelming urge to push. It felt like the biggest bowel movement of my life. I was making this loud groaning sound each time. During this time, I experienced a feeling of peace, as though I was on a break from the contractions. I got onto a birthing stool with Salim behind me and I asked Racha to check my dilation. She asked me to feel for myself and there she was. Her head was just there, waiting to be pushed out. I felt renewed and was chatting to everyone. I could not believe how fast I had progressed. It did not feel like 4 am. Time was definitely distorted because I thought it was midnight. I pushed for about 35 minutes using poor Salim as leverage as he held all my weight plus. I went through a new kind of pain as the baby's head crowned--it was as if I was being branded there. Intense burning. Finally, her head popped out and out slid the shoulders and her whole body just as Racha was asking me to slow it down. The relief was instantaneous. My baby was handed to me with her arms outstretched and her eyes wide open! It was fantastic and surreal. She felt so big on my tummy. Salim was crying over us and so were both grandmas. She looked so perfect. I still can't believe she was inside of me this whole time. She lay on top of me like that for a while as we waited for the placenta to come out and I tried nursing her for the first time. She preferred her hands which both had dark sucking marks on them from her time in the womb! She contentedly sucked away, making loud smacking noises! Salim's mum ended up cutting the cord after it had stopped pulsating and after a few drops of an herbal tincture, out came this massive, perfect placenta! After that, I got some stitches and we were literally tucked into bed by our midwives, who'd cleaned up everything. I fed my baby as the sun was rising, feeling so peaceful and wonderful in spite of all the hard work and labor we'd been through. She was our big reward. Having our baby at home gave us the freedom, comfort and safety we needed to birth her. I could not have asked for more from God. Our daughter is nursing healthily and doing all the wonderful things babies are supposed to do. We are definitely not sleeping through the night because she has to nurse and we change her often. But, I took everyone's advice and caught up on my sleep while I was pregnant.

-Fatma

Welcome Little One!

2009-07-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

Born at home surrounded by loving family.

A new birth film!

2009-06-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited about this new film coming out soon! Ricki and Abby shone a beautiful light on the world of homebirth with their first film, and I'm hoping that this new one continues to demystify birth.

Pascual's Home Waterbirth

2009-06-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

American midwife Vanessa and her husband Gilbert are expats in Kuala Lumpur. When it came time to have their second baby, they assembled their own labour and birth team to do the job at home!

I was snuggling my three-year-old son, Miles, when contractions started at 6.30am. It was still dark and at first I wasn't even sure these were more than braxton-hicks contractions. Could this be it? As they intensified I realised this was in fact the beginning of labour so I snuggled closer to Miles and enjoyed what would be his last hours as my only child. I was both sad for this and thrilled to finally not be pregnant anymore -- since I threw up for most of the nine months, I was ready for it to be over!

It was Sunday, March 1, 2009 -- the day before my due date and the day after my midwife arrived in Malaysia -- so the timing was excellent. My midwife had travelled from California so I knew she needed as much rest as possible -- I let her sleep. She woke at 8.30am to find me in early labour. I was folding laundry to keep from focusing too much on the labour -- my last labour was 25 hours, so I knew it could be many hours still.

We were planning a homebirth -- and quite possibly a waterbirth if I wanted to stay in the pool -- so my labour team (my husband and my midwife) started to get everything ready as I had requested. Candles were lit, clocks were covered or turned off, birth affirmation cards were stuck to the walls where I could see them, and the red raspberry leaf tea was brewing. The waterbirth pool we had was really just an extra deep inflatable kiddie-pool. It wouldn't take long to fill, so we decided it was too early to start. As much as I wanted the relief that being in warm water would bring, I knew that if I got in too early it could slow down my labour. I needed to remain as mobile as possible until a good pattern of strong contractions was established. Much to my surprise this didn't take long. My midwife had brought her two-year-old son with her from the US and the boys were playing loudly -- so I knew it was time to send them to my downstairs neighbour's condo unit where they could play. I was at the point in my labour where things were starting to get more intense -- this was probably "active labour" -- the point where the noise was beginning to upset me and my labour. So, we sent them down to play and I got down to business.

Awhile later (who knows how long -- remember the clocks were hidden!) they got the pool set up. My contractions were getting to the point where breathing through them was very difficult -- standing and curling the toes on my right foot seemed to be my favourite way to cope with the pain. I had had back labour with my first son, and this labour had brought the same -- with my first labour it was so excruciating that I didn't even feel the contractions in my lower abdomen. Luckily though it wasn't as intense this time and I felt the contractions more in front than in my back -- or perhaps I knew what to expect and was able to cope better, able to relax more.

During my whole labour I had been drinking tea and peeing regularly -- but soon it started to get difficult and painful to pee and I asked my midwife to catheterise my bladder as I thought maybe it was getting too full -- but in retrospect I think the baby's head was blocking my urethra so that didn't help at all. Since I was getting impatient waiting for the tub to fill up, I finally just hopped in when it was half full.

Oh the relief! When you are at the end of pregnancy and feel as heavy as an elephant, even rolling onto your side or trying to sit up takes great energy -- so when I hit the water I realised very quickly that I was able to move around as if I weighed nothing, since the water is so supportive. I think I was in transition at this point and weathered the contractions pretty well considering we were nearing the end. I, of course, had no idea where I was in my labour (I hadn't had any vaginal exams), but I know I was well into Labour-Land by that point and was focused inward. In between contractions I rested, took sips of water and tea, and then when I felt a contraction starting I would open my eyes, read whichever birth affirmation was in my line of sight, and focus on the words as I breathed and wiggled through the intensity of the contraction.

At some point during a contraction my waters broke with an audible pop and a gush of amniotic fluid. There was light meconium in the fluid, but not enough for any of us to worry. I definitely didn't like the intense feeling of the bag breaking as it felt like it pushed really hard on my cervix. It probably helped me to dilate some more, but it did not feel good, did not feel like a relief of pressure, as some women say. I decided it was time to call my friend and downstairs neighbour, Dionne, to come take photos. This was extremely important to me as I didn't want her to miss out on taking photos of the baby crowning and the birth itself. I think that being a midwife myself created this intense desire to be able to SEE it happening later when it was all over. (I watched through a mirror when my first son crowned, but didn't retain the image as well as I would have if I hadn't had the photos to look at later). She ended up being with us for the last hour and took amazing photos that I will always cherish. (If you are unsure you want photos taken, take them anyway -- you can always burn or delete them later!)

All of a sudden I felt my body pushing. My baby wanted to come out, and I couldn't wait to meet him. My midwife asked if I wanted her to check me to make sure I was completely dilated. I agreed (as this would be my first and only) and she quickly checked me as I lay in the water. She found that there was no cervix left, meaning I was 10cm dilated and ready to push when my body told me to. The first couple of pushes seemed to be completely out of my control, as if my baby and my uterus were working together, without my permission! They took my breath away, quite literally, as I yelled to my midwife, "I can't breathe!!!" She reminded me that of course I could breathe just fine, and so I went back to work. Being a midwife, I had an urge to know how things were progressing, so I kept two fingers in my vagina from the moment I started to push. I wanted to feel his head and know that he was moving down with each push. By doing this I was able to hold his head as he crowned and try my best to support my labia, which was being stretched beyond imagination-- the burning was unbelievable (this was the hardest part for me -- good thing it only lasted seconds!).

Meanwhile my midwife was providing rectal pressure and my husband's hands were also down there ready to catch his son. I felt that someone was poking me, and I yelled at both of them to "stop poking me!" They both said that they weren't doing anything of the sort, and it turns out it was probably my baby's hand, as we believe he was presenting not just head first, but head and hand first! Soon his head slid out into my hand and all I could think about was that it was almost over. As we waited for another contraction, Pascual's head hung out in the water and his body rotated to face my husband. On the next contraction his body slid out into his papa's waiting hands. Gilbert remembered to bring him up face down so Pascual wouldn't get a mouthful of water on his way up.

He was placed on my belly where I immediately saw that he had a very tight cord around his neck. Poor guy's head was pretty blue! I told Gilbert to push him back down a bit so I had enough slack to unloop the cord from his neck (it only went around once) and once I did, my midwife and I gently went to work rubbing his back and suctioning his nose and mouth to get him going. Little Dude was so full of mucus he needed a minute or so to cough it all up. We had oxygen at the ready, but my midwife did such an efficient job of suctioning him that he came around quickly and we didn't use it. His colour returned to normal and his tone improved and we were left to snuggle and get a good look at each other. Most people feel the need to hear a good cry to know everything is alright, but babies can, in fact, be happy and healthy without having to scream their heads off. Pascual didn't make a peep -- this isn't uncommon with waterbirths-- he was so calm, quiet and alert, just looking at mama and his surroundings. In fact we didn't even hear a cry until sometime in the night when I didn't get the nipple into his mouth fast enough! He was gorgeous! I couldn't believe he was in my arms already. I kept saying, "I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe what we just accomplished. I am completely amazed at my abilities and feel like I could do anything."

Studies have shown that planned homebirths are as safe, if not safer, than hospital births for low-risk women, but we have built such a culture of fear surrounding childbirth that it doesn't shock me one bit that so few women plan homebirths. When you are pregnant, people feel the need to share mainly the horror stories with you. I invite you to look outside the box and talk with people who have had unmedicated births (in hospitals, homes and free standing birth centres) with little to no intervention and you will quickly figure out that birth can be a peaceful and extremely gratifying experience. Many people now treat birth as a pathological, medical event -- but it shouldn't be approached this way every time, for every woman. I will be the first to admit that homebirth isn't for everyone. There are women who need to be in the hospital for various reasons-- women who are not candidates for homebirth. And although caesarean sections are performed much more often than the World Health Organisation recommends, they are still necessary to save mums and babies when a true emergency occurs. KL is not the ideal place to have a homebirth (traffic being the main problem, and a lack of midwives willing to attend births being another) and it took a LOT of planning and faith on my part to make this all come together for my son's birth. I had faith in the process of birth, my body, my baby and in my birth team. Through the work of the Gentle Birthing Support Group as well as many other individuals, perhaps the climate around birth in KL will continue to change for the better in the years to come. Know that your body knows what it's doing. Know that you and millions of women do this every year. Know that we have been doing this for centuries.

Feel free to email me at vaanwibe@hotmail.com.

Happy birthing everyone!

Eliza Jane

2009-06-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Kate for our first contribution!

Dear Blog Community,

First, let me say how AWESOME it has been to receive everyone’s warm wishes in the form of comments, calls, food, and snuggles. Eliza Jane has been welcomed into this world by so many amazing people. She’s been viewed by family as far away as Arkansas and Hilton Head via Skype. She’s been held by an assortment of friends out here. She’s been the second-hand recipient of the meals folks have brought us. We feel so loved and grateful for our friends and family.

I thought it was about time to share the birth story. My version is below. My mom and Howie also have their own versions which are considerably different. However I’m going to share mine first because I think there’s a lot of curiosity about it…and they have not finished theirs (they’ve been really busy taking care of me and the babe).

Be warned that the birth story is somewhat graphic. Not like upsettingly so…but I do include more details than just Eliza Jane’s birth weight and length. So if you are not sure you want to read a story that obliquely references my vagina…you are welcome to skip it. For the rest of you…I’m happy to share this experience.

Love, Kate

Many of you will remember that after thinking we’d deliver early, we didn’t go into labor until 2 days after our due date. While this shouldn’t have been too stressful, waiting for the baby to come was actually the hardest part for us. My mother had been in town (she lives in Maryland) for almost two weeks when the baby was born…and despite everyone’s reassurance that she’d stay longer if the baby came late..I felt super stressed and disappointed in myself for not producing a child earlier. The days before our daughter’s birth got longer and longer…and finding things to do and talk about was very difficult. I had a couple emotional break downs with Howie after my mom left in the evenings for her own place.

One thing that helped was returning to these “cards” we made in the second-to-last birth class. We had written our “wanted labor characteristics” on one side and “unwanted labor characteristics” on the other side. Examples include “complications vs. no complications,” “no back labor vs. back labor,” “just the right length labor vs. an overly long labor.” Having a “timely birth” was also one aspect of our wish list. The night before I gave birth, Howie and I returned to the cards. We spread them out in front of us and looked at the remaining positive possibilities for us in this birth even if it happened later than we wanted. It was helpful to know that even if the baby came really really late…we still had a lot of other possible things that could go RIGHT.

During two weeks before birth I had had a lot of spells of intense cramping. But they would go away after several hours. I think my cervix was working, but it was not kick-starting full blown labor. When labor started at around 12:30am on December 30th it was UNMISTAKABLE. My contractions started and they were powerful. Powerful, like “I can’t talk to you because this is totally taking my breath away…I need to stop lean over and moan.” That’s how they started. And they were also really close together. Lasting about 45 secs to 1 minute and they were about 3-4 minutes apart.

By 1:30 am Howie had called our midwife Maura to tell her we were having real labor contractions and they were between 2 and 3 minutes apart. Maura told us to pay attention because they may get in to a more regular pattern. I think she was expecting them to spread out timewise and also intensify. She instructed Howie to call her back with another report later in the morning. We also called my mom and she started getting ready to come over.

I had the urge to go to the bathroom so I went and sat on the toilet to labor. Sitting on the toilet brought about even more intense contractions. Howie brought pillows and blankets into the hallway so that I could lay down near the toilet to labor. But this was pretty uncomfortable. Eventually I went back into our bedroom and Howie had lit candles and had music playing. I laid on the bed with the pregnancy pillow in between my legs and started to vocalize with each contraction. Low moaning…ohhhhhhhhhh. Howie rubbed my back and moaned along with me.

For most of labor this is how the contractions went. They started easy and got more intense and painful…peaked… and then slowly got easier again. I moaned to try and focus on something other than the pain. Howie or my mom would rub my back and moan with me or whisper encouragement. At times the vocalizing sounded downright musical. Howie’s low tones and my mother’s higher tones provided a contrast that I could concentrate on. I remember asking them to “not stop” moaning with me or to moan louder so that I could concentrate on the sound.

During the contractions I also had a strong urge to tighten my muscles in my hands and legs. To stop myself from doing this I did “jazz fingers” and kicked my feet like I was swimming. This helped me to not become to rigid. In between the contractions, however, it was pretty hard to relax. My body was flooded with hormones that made me constantly shiver. I would try to take a cleansing breath to stop shivering and relax my body…but the shivers were related to hormones and adrenalin and were really hard to stop. I was also sweating profusely and having a difficult time relaxing my thoughts.

During labor, I did fixate on going to the hospital and stopping the pain from the contractions. I told my mom and Howie several times that I couldn’t do it and that I wanted an epidural. I told them to take me to Kaiser, at one point I even stood up and started searching my drawers for a pair of pants to put on. They encouraged me to keep laboring at home and reassured me that I could do it. They reminded me that the hospital was far and that the contractions were coming very fast. They reminded me that getting in the car would be scary and uncomfortable. They also told me that going to Kaiser did not ensure an epidural…and that there would be bright lights and a long intake process. By the time they were done telling me these things I was having another contraction and had to return to the bed anyway.

Howie and mom helped me cope with the contractions between 1am and 4:30am when our midwife came. However, by the time that Maura came my contractions had fallen into a new and very challenging pattern. I would have a minute and a half long contraction that peaked with incredible intensity. Then I would have about 10 seconds of relief before having a second less intense (but still quite painful) “piggy-back” contraction that would last another minute. Then I would have about half a minute of rest before the contractions started again.

During this time the breathing and relaxing techniques I had been using were not longer working. It was very difficult to sustain low tones deep in my chest because the intensity of the contractions caused me to want to increase the volume and pitch of my sounds. During these contractions I simply gave over to yelling, cussing, fighting, and screaming. I remember having a vague awareness of neighbors as well as the principles of pain management…but not being able to really control my noises. In some instances, it just felt appropriate to cry out rather than trying to force a bi-plane noise out of my mouth.

It was during these most difficult contractions that I also started to have the urge to push. My mom even asked me if she could examine me for a second because she was concerned that I was going to start crowning. Howie called Maura again (he’d been keeping her up to the minute about things) and told her that I was having the urge to push. She said she was in her car and on her way.

When Maura arrived about 15 minutes later, I was 9 1/2 cm dilated and the baby’s head was in negative 1 station. In other words I was fully dilated but the baby wasn’t quite into the birth canal yet. She told me it was time to get in the pool and “have the baby.” To say I was relieved to hear these words does not begin to cover it. Before her arrival we had no information about where I was relative to pushing. Hearing her say I was “almost there” was so so helpful. It replaced the fear I had of never ending contractions with the knowledge that the baby would soon be born. It was the first time during labor that I actually believed I could finish labor and meet my daughter at home.

The tub was warm and before I had a contraction I was sure that it was working to ease the pain. But with the next contraction it was clear that the tub was a good place to be for warmth but not much of a pain reliever. The contractions were still incredibly strong. I still needed to bring the baby down in the birth canal, so I spent about 30 minutes leaning over the edge of the tub hollering with each incoming contraction. At the peak of these contractions I had an urge to push. Eventually, I decided I needed to see for myself where I was in the process. I reached down between my legs and felt Eliza’s head for the first time. I could feel just a bit of soft papery skin and her quite malleable skull. Feeling her braced me for the next phase of the labor which was pushing.

Howie got into the tub behind me and I decided (or was instructed?) to lean back on him. I sat between his legs with my legs over his and tried to breathe through the next couple contractions. Maura was coaching me to try to lower my vocalizing into deeper tones so I would save my voice (and probably stop scaring the neighbors. She said try moaning or making sounds like a mama bear. I was confused about what to do until Howie started making the mama bear grunting and huffing sounds behind me. Then I started to make the same sounds. During this time my mom was to my right holding a video camera. Maura was to my left giving me instructions on how to push.

Maura told me to “push when I felt like pushing” until I felt like the baby’s head was coming through a “ring of fire.” At that point she said I would need to pant. Maura was also constantly checking the baby’s heart beat with her Doppler monitor. The baby’s heart beat would slow during each contraction but would speed up again in the intervals. Pushing was easier, more focused and more satisfying than contractions. It’s similar to how vomiting feels after being nauseous. It’s not a great feeling but it’s a relief.

With each contraction I pushed the baby a little. When I felt the sting of fire below, I panted. Once the baby’s head was in view I think it took about 5 contractions to push her out. This was an exciting part of labor- it was still hard and it still hurt…but the end was in sight and the baby was also in sight! When the widest part of the baby’s head was in view I grew very determined and with the next contraction I bared down and pushed with a lot of force through the sting of fire and the cramp of the contraction. The baby was pushed out with a feeling of release and relief that I can’t describe. At that moment I reached down, found the baby and brought her up out of the water and to my chest.

Everyone in the room was excited and we started to examine her and exclaim about how beautiful and perfect she was. Maura focused on the baby suctioning out her nose and mouth. I caught my breath and just remember saying “I can’t believe it” over and over. Howie held me in the tub. My mom described and admired the baby.

Immediately after labor Eliza Jane was awake and alert. Howie and I laid in the bed and held on to each other and our new baby as Maura examined us both. My mom brought water and popsicles. Since Maura had given me such great coaching during pushing I did not tear at all and did not need stitches. The baby was also healthy with a strong post-birth heart beat. She weighed 6.4 lbs and was 18 inches long. She has a very full head of dark brown hair.

It’s difficult to know how to end this ongoing story. That morning we had the most amazing breakfast of my life (courtesy of mom). I started breastfeeding. We had several visitors. And we started to grow accustomed to how our family has grown to include this little girl.

It’s true what people say about both knowing and loving their children at first sight. It’s hard to believe that she’s only 4 days old because Howie and I both feel like we’ve known her forever. Each day since her birth has been full of so many new experiences and abundance of love. It’s exactly like falling in love…all the enthusiasm for getting to know someone intimately…and all of the excitement of waking up knowing that you will see them again and again.

First Post!

2009-06-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Hello to all of our families! (past, present and future)

We've finally made it on to the blogosphere after months of delay. We are super excited about this blog as a format for your storytelling and connecting. We are hoping that this space can be used to recount pregnancy, birth and new family stories. It has been an incredible blessing to be present on your journey into parenthood, and we hope that this space can help new parents as they embark on their own paths of parenthood. So, send us your stories! We'll be posting some stories of our own, whenever we've had enough sleep! We've had some incredibly powerful experiences in the past year. Here's a few pictures of our recent clients. Many blessings until our next post. Love, Maura and Racha

Kyoka with her Momma 7/28/08 6.02lbs

Kyoka with Mom, Dad and Racha